By Chris Bolgiano (originally distributed by: Bay Journal News Service at http://bayjournalnewsservice.com/Power.html.)
It's a gorgeous day full of singing birds and sunlight. Beautiful, streaming sunlight. Soon the photovoltaic system that added some aggression to my passive solar house in the mountains of western Virginia will be one year old, the time of reckoning.
Getting off the grid has always been Nirvana for 1970s Back-to-the-Landers like me. With net-metering - a 21st century update of the dream - I am still connected, selling excess electricity in summer when the sun is high, and buying electricity at night and in winter. The grid has become my battery, although my home system includes batteries for three or four sunless days of essential services if the grid is knocked out: water pump, stove, freezer, and playing old movies through the storm. In rural Appalachia, self-sufficiency is the traditional way of doing things.
Electricity has become a beacon of hope in the smog of our energy crisis. With President Obama's promise to get plug-in cars on the market by 2015, homegrown electricity could help wean Americans from foreign oil, which is largely used for transportation.
But our largest source of electricity is coal, which is also the largest culprit in environmental damage of all kinds, from mountain top removal mining to acid rain to carbon caused climate change.
Nuclear plants have waste issues, huge costs overruns and terrorism target potential. Natural gas plants are better but not by much. Even renewable sources can have unacceptable impacts: Industrial wind plants in the East destroy forests, while industrial solar arrays in the West destroy deserts. Even when well-sited, the thousands of miles of new transmission lines needed to transport power from green sources destroy everything in their path. What can a compassionate conservationist support?
Distributed generation, that's what.
On-site production of electricity (called distributed generation, or DG for short) is the cheapest, quickest, fairest way out of the energy conundrum. Site specific generation from small-scale solar, wind, geothermal, and biofuels installations, combined with the new administration's energy conservation/efficiency programs, offers virtually unlimited resources for stimulating local jobs aimed at literally empowering local communities. From the widespread interest expressed in my own solar system, it seems that there is enormous pent-up consumer demand.
The paradigm of centralized power plants has been rendered obsolete by technology and terrorism. Consider how much stronger our nation would be against disasters both natural and criminal if schools, hospitals, community centers, businesses, nursing homes, farms, mobile homes, houses and apartment buildings across the country made enough electricity to, at the least, pump drinking water and refrigerate food.
Americans haven't enjoyed that kind of independence since they drank from dippers and packed pond ice in sawdust for the summer icebox. Decentralization of electricity brings a new perspective to the old rallying cry of democracy, "Power to the People!"
It will mean redesigning distribution lines and decoupling fixed costs from electricity rates to entice utility companies, traditionally hostile to DG. It will take new tax incentives, interconnection standards, building codes, and educational programs for electricians, builders, businesses and homeowners. It will take fleets of people at town, county, state, and federal levels all conspiring to allow consumers to take control of power sources. All home grown workers.
What better use of stimulus money could there be?
Maybe I'm not the one to be talking about economics, which is based on the idea that people always act in their own best interests. My solar system contradicts that basic principle. At current electric rates, it will take me 45 years to pay it off. My own personal back to the land trip will likely be well over by then. Rates will undoubtedly go up, but buying this system was economically unsound and I'm proud of it, because I love to confound economists. And you've got to spend your money somewhere unless you're planning on dying with it.
Taking responsibility for one's own environmental impact is what much of the talk about "greening" is really about. Studies show that when people see direct consequences of their actions -say, turning off a computer for the night -- they change their behavior and use significantly less energy.
It happened to me. After my new system was installed I checked the meter often for the fun of watching it run backward. And it did, through spring and summer. Now, it's showing 820 kilowatt hours used from the grid in eleven months -- roughly what an average American household uses in one month. At the end of a year, my utility company will pay me for any excess production. I don't really care about that, but I do want the meter to reach zero by next month to give me 100 percent solar electricity for the year, so - I'm powering off, goodbye!
Chris Bolgiano is the author or editor of five books. Chris Bolgiano, Mildly Amusing Nature Writer: www.chrisbolgiano.com
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Why Shout At the News Paper?
I believe that I have finally broken my habit of writing letters to the editor of our local news paper, The Daily News Record. Sometimes the simplest opinion will elicit a most vociferous response. For example, we all know that the Solstices and Equinoxes move about in the calendar due to the asymmetry of the earth's orbit. Since the velocity of earth increases as it approaches perigee, the rate of the change in day length due to the angle of the sun also increases (plus we all remember that 12:00 noon moves back 14 minutes and forward 16 minutes within the "clock day" between February 10 and November 5...). This causes the ANALEMMA, the figure eight produced by the shadow of the sun at precisely 12:00 noon (CLOCK NOON), to be asymmetrical as well. The earliest sunset was way back on the 7th of December, the latest sunrise isn't until January 6th.
And this all proves that rationalists and evolutionists are the Devil as was pointed out to me recently in a letter to the editor of our local news paper.
And this all proves that rationalists and evolutionists are the Devil as was pointed out to me recently in a letter to the editor of our local news paper.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
FRACK YOU Isn't just for science fiction anymore.
FRACKING: A NEW "F" WORD ENTERS THE LANGUAGE (OED are you listening?)
I didn't write this one, it's by Chris Bolgiano; (I did add a few parenthetical observations). This version includes the last sentence that was cut from the column as published by Bay Journal News Service http://bayjournalnewsservice.com/ to avoid offending too many newspaper editors. They didn't see the joke, and they don't watch Caprica either.
A new “f” word has entered our language that has nothing to do with sex but everything to do with exploitation. From New York to Tennessee, above the gassy geological formation called Marcellus shale, people are debating the practice of fracking.
Fracking is short for hydraulic fracturing to extract natural gas from shale. It involves drilling a hole a mile down, then thousands of feet horizontally, and pumping down millions of gallons of water laced with sand, salt and chemicals to crack the shale. Gas is forced up, along with roughly 25 percent of the contaminated wastewater, often hot with radioactivity.
Shale gas fields are called ‘plays’ but developing them is serious business. Since 2005, when Congress approved the so-called Halliburton Loophole to exempt fracking from federal standards for clean water, companies from Oklahoma to Japan have spent millions of dollars to frack rural communities innocent of any knowledge about the practice.
By some estimates, fracking Marcellus and other shales across North America could satisfy our desire for gas for the next 45 years
Fracking is ongoing in Pennsylvania, West Virginia and New York. Now Texas-based Carrizo Company wants to frack Bergton, Va., long famous as one of the most idyllic pastoral communities in the Shenandoah Valley, where I live.
At first the attraction between gas companies and communities is mutual: landowners, often poor, gain income from leases, stores gain business, counties gain tax base. The industry courts communities with assurances that the chemicals used compose only one part per hundred of the fracking fluid, are environmentally friendly, and will be treated at the local sewage plant. (One part per hundred is 10,000 parts per million, the standard used by EPA and the FDA when measuring toxic chemicals).
For global warming worriers, the sexiest aspect is the reduction in greenhouse gases emitted by burning natural gas compared to oil; for others, it’s the fact that gas is domestic, reducing our bondage to hostile foreign countries.
For many, the romance quickly pales. Fracking chemicals include formaldehyde, benzene, and others known to be carcinogenic at [proprietary and unknown levels]. Municipal plants can’t handle fracking wastewater, and it’s stored in open pits until trucked elsewhere. If enough fresh water can’t be sucked from streams on site, trucks haul it in.
Eighteen-wheelers rolling 24/7 pulverize country roads and cause accidents, like the one that spilled 8,000 gallons of toxic materials into a Pennsylvania creek last year. And they emit enough carbon to seriously shrink the greenhouse gas advantage of fracked gas.
Explosions are occurring from causes similar to BP’s Gulf debacle. In early June, a blowout at one of the thousand-plus fracking wells in Pennsylvania spewed flammable gas and polluted water 75-feet high for sixteen hours. One of our most recent local headlines reads, “W.Va. Gas Well Blast Injures 7; Flames Now 40 Feet.”
Fracking’s impact on surface and groundwater outlasts any explosion. People from New York to Texas complain that their wells deteriorated after fracking started nearby. Pennsylvania officials ordered Cabot Gas Corporation to pay fines, plug wells, and install treatment systems in 14 houses where methane contaminated drinking water. [The companies all imply that they're working "way down there" thousands of feet below your wells and springs - no problem! The BP well was MILES down there and all that fluid wants to come up here due to billions of pounds of rock sitting on it.]
New York state officials see fracking as so risky that they imposed far stricter environmental regulations within watersheds that supply ten million people with drinking water. They feared an outright ban would provoke lawsuits from landowners eager to sign leases.
Landowner rights are sacred in Appalachia, but the recent request by a company that transports gas in Pennsylvania to be declared a “utility,” which would give it the power to condemn property for pipelines, puts a new twist on the issue. And what about my right to continue drinking clean water from my well on my property?
The likelihood of leaks of toxic materials into waters is enhanced when drilling occurs in the 100- year flood plain, as is proposed in Bergton. In 40 years here I’ve seen many disastrous floods, and the mountainous Bergton area is always among the hardest hit. A flood would sweep a well pad with containers of chemicals, fuels, and open wastewater pits into the headwaters of the North Fork of the Shenandoah River, and ultimately into the Potomac and the Chesapeake Bay.
Given the risks, fracking seems to me merely to prolong our addiction to fossil fuel, when renewable energy is within reach: solar panel costs have fallen by half (cheap enough even for me), and offshore wind turbines offer huge energy efficiencies.
But history insists on repeating itself. For centuries, Appalachia has been raped by outside interests wresting iron, timber, and coal from these mountains. Once again, people from elsewhere are taking huge profits and leaving a pittance and a lot of ugly pits behind, while politicians stall efforts to repair the regulatory loophole. They are risking through accident or carelessness the poisoning of water for millions of people, generations into the future. I SAY FRACK'EM.
Chris Bolgiano is the author or editor of five books. This commentary is distributed by Bay Journal News Service
I didn't write this one, it's by Chris Bolgiano; (I did add a few parenthetical observations). This version includes the last sentence that was cut from the column as published by Bay Journal News Service http://bayjournalnewsservice.com/ to avoid offending too many newspaper editors. They didn't see the joke, and they don't watch Caprica either.
A new “f” word has entered our language that has nothing to do with sex but everything to do with exploitation. From New York to Tennessee, above the gassy geological formation called Marcellus shale, people are debating the practice of fracking.
Fracking is short for hydraulic fracturing to extract natural gas from shale. It involves drilling a hole a mile down, then thousands of feet horizontally, and pumping down millions of gallons of water laced with sand, salt and chemicals to crack the shale. Gas is forced up, along with roughly 25 percent of the contaminated wastewater, often hot with radioactivity.
Shale gas fields are called ‘plays’ but developing them is serious business. Since 2005, when Congress approved the so-called Halliburton Loophole to exempt fracking from federal standards for clean water, companies from Oklahoma to Japan have spent millions of dollars to frack rural communities innocent of any knowledge about the practice.
By some estimates, fracking Marcellus and other shales across North America could satisfy our desire for gas for the next 45 years
Fracking is ongoing in Pennsylvania, West Virginia and New York. Now Texas-based Carrizo Company wants to frack Bergton, Va., long famous as one of the most idyllic pastoral communities in the Shenandoah Valley, where I live.
At first the attraction between gas companies and communities is mutual: landowners, often poor, gain income from leases, stores gain business, counties gain tax base. The industry courts communities with assurances that the chemicals used compose only one part per hundred of the fracking fluid, are environmentally friendly, and will be treated at the local sewage plant. (One part per hundred is 10,000 parts per million, the standard used by EPA and the FDA when measuring toxic chemicals).
For global warming worriers, the sexiest aspect is the reduction in greenhouse gases emitted by burning natural gas compared to oil; for others, it’s the fact that gas is domestic, reducing our bondage to hostile foreign countries.
For many, the romance quickly pales. Fracking chemicals include formaldehyde, benzene, and others known to be carcinogenic at [proprietary and unknown levels]. Municipal plants can’t handle fracking wastewater, and it’s stored in open pits until trucked elsewhere. If enough fresh water can’t be sucked from streams on site, trucks haul it in.
Eighteen-wheelers rolling 24/7 pulverize country roads and cause accidents, like the one that spilled 8,000 gallons of toxic materials into a Pennsylvania creek last year. And they emit enough carbon to seriously shrink the greenhouse gas advantage of fracked gas.
Explosions are occurring from causes similar to BP’s Gulf debacle. In early June, a blowout at one of the thousand-plus fracking wells in Pennsylvania spewed flammable gas and polluted water 75-feet high for sixteen hours. One of our most recent local headlines reads, “W.Va. Gas Well Blast Injures 7; Flames Now 40 Feet.”
Fracking’s impact on surface and groundwater outlasts any explosion. People from New York to Texas complain that their wells deteriorated after fracking started nearby. Pennsylvania officials ordered Cabot Gas Corporation to pay fines, plug wells, and install treatment systems in 14 houses where methane contaminated drinking water. [The companies all imply that they're working "way down there" thousands of feet below your wells and springs - no problem! The BP well was MILES down there and all that fluid wants to come up here due to billions of pounds of rock sitting on it.]
New York state officials see fracking as so risky that they imposed far stricter environmental regulations within watersheds that supply ten million people with drinking water. They feared an outright ban would provoke lawsuits from landowners eager to sign leases.
Landowner rights are sacred in Appalachia, but the recent request by a company that transports gas in Pennsylvania to be declared a “utility,” which would give it the power to condemn property for pipelines, puts a new twist on the issue. And what about my right to continue drinking clean water from my well on my property?
The likelihood of leaks of toxic materials into waters is enhanced when drilling occurs in the 100- year flood plain, as is proposed in Bergton. In 40 years here I’ve seen many disastrous floods, and the mountainous Bergton area is always among the hardest hit. A flood would sweep a well pad with containers of chemicals, fuels, and open wastewater pits into the headwaters of the North Fork of the Shenandoah River, and ultimately into the Potomac and the Chesapeake Bay.
Given the risks, fracking seems to me merely to prolong our addiction to fossil fuel, when renewable energy is within reach: solar panel costs have fallen by half (cheap enough even for me), and offshore wind turbines offer huge energy efficiencies.
But history insists on repeating itself. For centuries, Appalachia has been raped by outside interests wresting iron, timber, and coal from these mountains. Once again, people from elsewhere are taking huge profits and leaving a pittance and a lot of ugly pits behind, while politicians stall efforts to repair the regulatory loophole. They are risking through accident or carelessness the poisoning of water for millions of people, generations into the future. I SAY FRACK'EM.
Chris Bolgiano is the author or editor of five books. This commentary is distributed by Bay Journal News Service
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Phonerudity
Why be helpful to rude people? Why encourage them to continue their behavior? I am just tired of going to the trouble of walking across the room to answer a ringing phone and have the caller say; "Who is this?"
If you don't know to whom your call has been directed, why is it my job to help you out? I'm the one who walked across the room of my home at your instigation. What else do I owe you? Help you find your socks? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? AND WHAT'S IT TO YOU WHATEVER THE ANSWER IS? WHY SHOULD I EVEN ANSWER? YOU CALLED HERE!
Or often the caller says: "Is Flaksflkai there?" or even, the correct name; "Is Ralph there?" Not much better if I don't recognize your voice. Anyway, the answer is; "It depends." I don't want to be rude so I don't say any of these things. I propose that every phone call that doesn't start with the words:
"Hello, My name is *****, may I please speak to ######?" (###### being the correct name of the owner of the residence where the phone has just rung) be answered by the shouted words;
"WHAT? WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" *CLICK*
I have on occasion said instead; "Excuse me, To whom am I speaking?" And upon an answer; I've sometimes said; "Didn't your mother teach you any manners?" But this has always led to massive confusion on the other end of the line wherein the caller has tried to understand what I just said. And why. Again, It's not my job. So why should I be helpful?
If everyone used the; "WHAT? WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" *CLICK*, things just might slowly get better. Or not. Who knows? It's worth a try.
Now, I have to think about robo calls. There might be something better than my current strategy. I never hang up on them. Why do that? At least while they are talking to the air in my house, they're not calling your house. It's their dime and time so I always let them waste it.
If you don't know to whom your call has been directed, why is it my job to help you out? I'm the one who walked across the room of my home at your instigation. What else do I owe you? Help you find your socks? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? AND WHAT'S IT TO YOU WHATEVER THE ANSWER IS? WHY SHOULD I EVEN ANSWER? YOU CALLED HERE!
Or often the caller says: "Is Flaksflkai there?" or even, the correct name; "Is Ralph there?" Not much better if I don't recognize your voice. Anyway, the answer is; "It depends." I don't want to be rude so I don't say any of these things. I propose that every phone call that doesn't start with the words:
"Hello, My name is *****, may I please speak to ######?" (###### being the correct name of the owner of the residence where the phone has just rung) be answered by the shouted words;
"WHAT? WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" *CLICK*
I have on occasion said instead; "Excuse me, To whom am I speaking?" And upon an answer; I've sometimes said; "Didn't your mother teach you any manners?" But this has always led to massive confusion on the other end of the line wherein the caller has tried to understand what I just said. And why. Again, It's not my job. So why should I be helpful?
If everyone used the; "WHAT? WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" *CLICK*, things just might slowly get better. Or not. Who knows? It's worth a try.
Now, I have to think about robo calls. There might be something better than my current strategy. I never hang up on them. Why do that? At least while they are talking to the air in my house, they're not calling your house. It's their dime and time so I always let them waste it.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Vote With Your Wallet
Dear Sirs: (Add the company of your choice APPROPRIATE DATE )
It has often occurred to me that many people in the media who have been given a platform will say the most outrageous things just to stir things up and get attention (and therefore exposure), even though many of these things are demonstrably false, or slanderous, or just plain mean and hurtful: O'Reilly screaming at the son of a 9-11 victim "that I'm [O'Reilly] going to punch you out..." Lou Dobbs saying that the "Birthers" opinions "certainly ...are...views... that can't be discounted." Saying that "These questions will not go away." And his CEO admitting : "This... story is dead." Ann Coulter saying that she is being abused by the mothers of the dead in Iraq because the mothers have a "hidden" agenda. Then there's Glenn Beck, saying that Obama is a racist and a fascist and that he hates white people (and then 30 seconds later saying that the President doesn't hate white people. But, (he) Beck is a true patriot, and Democrats are fascists or communists or EVIL. Beck just opens his mouth to see what comes out. Free speech, yes, but maybe with consequences. It is my opinion that Beck is screaming "FIRE" in a crowded theater.
I have always wondered, who is paying these people? Why, it's YOU, Mr.Advertiser.
So the other night when I happen to catch Beck making one of his ridiculously inciteful (not to be confused with insightful) pronouncements; I thought that I'd make a list of his sponsors so that I wouldn't make the mistake of ever patronizing any of their products. I recorded every advertiser during his program (I didn't have to watch and listen to the crap; isn't Tevo grand?). You Mr. Advertiser are on that list of sponsors. Are you proud of your position among the liars?
I am sharing these observations and the information I have recorded with as many people as I can; as often as I can. I will never spend a penny on any of the goods or services supplied by these businesses. And I will encourage everyone I meet to do the same. I will vote with my wallet.
Sincerely, (REDACTED; feel free to copy any part, print and send to your "favorite" sponsor. A hand written name after "Sirs:" and a note added after "Sincerely," adds weight to any communication. P.S. I signed my letters, you should too.) The following are some of the sponsors of the Glen Beck program:
Jos. A. Bank, P.O. Box 1000, Hampstead, MD 21074-4000.
Charles Binder, Binder & Binder® National Headquarters, 33-00 Northern Blvd., Suite 7A, Long Island City, New York 11101, Telephone: 800.742.9696, Fax: 718.512.2424
Carbonite, 334 Boylston St - 3rd floor, Boston, MA 02116, 617-587-1100, Toll Free: 877-665-4466
Direct TV, (this was almost impossible to get: (1 800 531 5000) I get the feeling that they don't want to hear from you unless you're going to give them money.
Goldline International, 1601 Cloverfield Boulevard, 100 South Tower, Santa Monica, CA 90404
Lear Capital, Inc., 1990 S. Bundy Dr., Suite 600, Los Angeles, CA 90025 Phone: (800) 576-9355
Phone: (310) 571-0190 Fax: (310) 571-0194
Lend America, 520 Broadhollow Rd, Melville, NY 11747
Liberty Medical, Medco, Inc., (I could only find a web site e-mail address media@medco.com)
Merit Financial, 1300 4th Street, Suite 303, Santa Monica, CA 90401, Phone 310.394.7577
Metastock, Equis International, 90 South 400 West, Suite 620, Salt Lake City, UT 84101
New Max Magazine, P.O. Box 20989, West Palm Beach, Florida, 33416
Pearle Vision Luxottica Retail, 4000 Luxottica Place, Mason, OH 45040 1-800-732-7531
Sears Holdings Corp., Edward Lampert
Regions, 1-800-734-4667
Roseland Capital, 429 Santa Monica Blvd., Suite 450, Santa Monica, CA 90401
Target, Corporate Info. # 1.800.440.0680
Wall St. Journal, 200 Burnett Road, Chicopee, MA 01020
Zero Technologies, LLC., 4510 Adams Circle, Unit G, Bensalem PA 19020
It has often occurred to me that many people in the media who have been given a platform will say the most outrageous things just to stir things up and get attention (and therefore exposure), even though many of these things are demonstrably false, or slanderous, or just plain mean and hurtful: O'Reilly screaming at the son of a 9-11 victim "that I'm [O'Reilly] going to punch you out..." Lou Dobbs saying that the "Birthers" opinions "certainly ...are...views... that can't be discounted." Saying that "These questions will not go away." And his CEO admitting : "This... story is dead." Ann Coulter saying that she is being abused by the mothers of the dead in Iraq because the mothers have a "hidden" agenda. Then there's Glenn Beck, saying that Obama is a racist and a fascist and that he hates white people (and then 30 seconds later saying that the President doesn't hate white people. But, (he) Beck is a true patriot, and Democrats are fascists or communists or EVIL. Beck just opens his mouth to see what comes out. Free speech, yes, but maybe with consequences. It is my opinion that Beck is screaming "FIRE" in a crowded theater.
I have always wondered, who is paying these people? Why, it's YOU, Mr.Advertiser.
So the other night when I happen to catch Beck making one of his ridiculously inciteful (not to be confused with insightful) pronouncements; I thought that I'd make a list of his sponsors so that I wouldn't make the mistake of ever patronizing any of their products. I recorded every advertiser during his program (I didn't have to watch and listen to the crap; isn't Tevo grand?). You Mr. Advertiser are on that list of sponsors. Are you proud of your position among the liars?
I am sharing these observations and the information I have recorded with as many people as I can; as often as I can. I will never spend a penny on any of the goods or services supplied by these businesses. And I will encourage everyone I meet to do the same. I will vote with my wallet.
Sincerely, (REDACTED; feel free to copy any part, print and send to your "favorite" sponsor. A hand written name after "Sirs:" and a note added after "Sincerely," adds weight to any communication. P.S. I signed my letters, you should too.) The following are some of the sponsors of the Glen Beck program:
Jos. A. Bank, P.O. Box 1000, Hampstead, MD 21074-4000.
Charles Binder, Binder & Binder® National Headquarters, 33-00 Northern Blvd., Suite 7A, Long Island City, New York 11101, Telephone: 800.742.9696, Fax: 718.512.2424
Carbonite, 334 Boylston St - 3rd floor, Boston, MA 02116, 617-587-1100, Toll Free: 877-665-4466
Direct TV, (this was almost impossible to get: (1 800 531 5000) I get the feeling that they don't want to hear from you unless you're going to give them money.
Goldline International, 1601 Cloverfield Boulevard, 100 South Tower, Santa Monica, CA 90404
Lear Capital, Inc., 1990 S. Bundy Dr., Suite 600, Los Angeles, CA 90025 Phone: (800) 576-9355
Phone: (310) 571-0190 Fax: (310) 571-0194
Lend America, 520 Broadhollow Rd, Melville, NY 11747
Liberty Medical, Medco, Inc., (I could only find a web site e-mail address media@medco.com)
Merit Financial, 1300 4th Street, Suite 303, Santa Monica, CA 90401, Phone 310.394.7577
Metastock, Equis International, 90 South 400 West, Suite 620, Salt Lake City, UT 84101
New Max Magazine, P.O. Box 20989, West Palm Beach, Florida, 33416
Pearle Vision Luxottica Retail, 4000 Luxottica Place, Mason, OH 45040 1-800-732-7531
Sears Holdings Corp., Edward Lampert
Regions, 1-800-734-4667
Roseland Capital, 429 Santa Monica Blvd., Suite 450, Santa Monica, CA 90401
Target, Corporate Info. # 1.800.440.0680
Wall St. Journal, 200 Burnett Road, Chicopee, MA 01020
Zero Technologies, LLC., 4510 Adams Circle, Unit G, Bensalem PA 19020
Friday, October 8, 2010
Dear Tina; PLEASE!
Dear Tina,
As I look over your life from a distance, I am alarmed at the accumulating detritus. Here you are, the mother of a toddler just getting out of diapers and another child who just turned six in April, and your world is littered with dozens of empty Marlboro Light packs. That’s bad enough, but are those stronger Pal Malls driving you to use that Albuterol Sulfate Inhalant? Or does one of the kids have asthma?
You shop at Food Lion and buy far too much sugary processed stuff. Often, the king-sized enriched plain sandwich bread and some small yogurts are the closest thing to real food that you have in the house. You buy Kicks, Twix, Drumsticks ice-cream bars, Shake ‘n Bake, Toast Scrambles, X-Treme Jell-O, and instant mashed potatoes. Instant? Come on! You never finished filling out the ManPower application, so with no job, don’t you have the time to mash a few real spuds? They’re cheaper, too. And then there are the high sugar, high caffeine soft drinks: Classic Coke, Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper (by the way, large plastic bottles are less expensive than the cans). And the Burger King take-out meals aren’t any better. Do you really need that much ketchup? All that junk food might explain your Gas-X habit. How much longer do you think that you can wear size six satin bikini panties? A few Nutri-grain bars aren’t exactly going to balance your diet. By now you realize that I also know what kind of shampoo, conditioner, bath soap, toothpaste, and feminine hygene protection you use; though I haven’t drawn any conclusions from that information (except that apparently, at least you're not pregnant again).
Apparently, your problem with the authorities last March resulted in a judgment of guilty of Breach of Peace and a fine of $160.00. You had to pay up or risk the loss of your driver’s license. Did you pay in time? With money so tight I can’t figure out why you didn’t bother to challenge the Medicaid cut-off date for your older child. How are you going to pay all those doctor’s bills?
And who am I to give advice? I’m just the guy who picked your garbage out of the bushes on my property. The bags were torn open and the junk was strewn around so I had to pick it all up piece by piece. That’s how I came across your name and address on the court papers and all that personal information about you. I could have turned you in to the county sheriff. But I have come to realize that the last thing you need right now is another court case, another fine, and more public humiliation. That obviously wouldn’t be a good thing for your little ones. Instead, all I ask, Tina, is that you get a better grip on your life and your garbage.
As I look over your life from a distance, I am alarmed at the accumulating detritus. Here you are, the mother of a toddler just getting out of diapers and another child who just turned six in April, and your world is littered with dozens of empty Marlboro Light packs. That’s bad enough, but are those stronger Pal Malls driving you to use that Albuterol Sulfate Inhalant? Or does one of the kids have asthma?
You shop at Food Lion and buy far too much sugary processed stuff. Often, the king-sized enriched plain sandwich bread and some small yogurts are the closest thing to real food that you have in the house. You buy Kicks, Twix, Drumsticks ice-cream bars, Shake ‘n Bake, Toast Scrambles, X-Treme Jell-O, and instant mashed potatoes. Instant? Come on! You never finished filling out the ManPower application, so with no job, don’t you have the time to mash a few real spuds? They’re cheaper, too. And then there are the high sugar, high caffeine soft drinks: Classic Coke, Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper (by the way, large plastic bottles are less expensive than the cans). And the Burger King take-out meals aren’t any better. Do you really need that much ketchup? All that junk food might explain your Gas-X habit. How much longer do you think that you can wear size six satin bikini panties? A few Nutri-grain bars aren’t exactly going to balance your diet. By now you realize that I also know what kind of shampoo, conditioner, bath soap, toothpaste, and feminine hygene protection you use; though I haven’t drawn any conclusions from that information (except that apparently, at least you're not pregnant again).
Apparently, your problem with the authorities last March resulted in a judgment of guilty of Breach of Peace and a fine of $160.00. You had to pay up or risk the loss of your driver’s license. Did you pay in time? With money so tight I can’t figure out why you didn’t bother to challenge the Medicaid cut-off date for your older child. How are you going to pay all those doctor’s bills?
And who am I to give advice? I’m just the guy who picked your garbage out of the bushes on my property. The bags were torn open and the junk was strewn around so I had to pick it all up piece by piece. That’s how I came across your name and address on the court papers and all that personal information about you. I could have turned you in to the county sheriff. But I have come to realize that the last thing you need right now is another court case, another fine, and more public humiliation. That obviously wouldn’t be a good thing for your little ones. Instead, all I ask, Tina, is that you get a better grip on your life and your garbage.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
A new strategy for coping.
I have decided to embrace late onset Asperger's Syndrome. This will be my excuse for not politely suffering the blathering of the morons among us. I hesitate to use the word moron, since it has a precise clinical definition; that of a certain level of mental retardation. The problem is that "willfully ignorant and uncritically thinking people" just isn't pejorative enough for me. It's too polite. Late onset Asperger's is characterized by: inappropriate meticulousness, grumpiness (caused by the morons among us), normal to superior linguistic and cognitive development (having a vocabulary greater than 1000 words [AKA; atypical use of language]) rational and logical thinking, and general brilliance of mind and focus on the issues at hand (as opposed to being confused by irrelavancies and non sequitors). Tautological arguments and circular reasoning (not to mention unsupportable a priori assumptions are not allowed by the Aspergerer.
That's me. I don't know where everybody else is. One look at planet earth and it becomes obvious that the afore mentioned traits are not at all common.
There are several other "late onsets" that will become useful to me as I age. Immaturity, extreme bluntness in conversation, and pretended refusal to understand the words of others, but I'm sure that there will be many others as well. It will become a trend:
There are likely to be hundreds, if not thousands of "late onset" syndromes appearing in the population in the near future. Years ago, psychologists subjected rats to over crowding. The experiments showed that extreme crowding resulted in a suite of abnormal behaviors, most of which might be simply characterized as "The rats all went ratshit nuts".
Planet earth is being subjected to an experiment by Homo sapiens (I prefer Homo fecundus) as the population continues to rise without consideration of any issue other than Let's all have babies! The immensely irrational belief that there can't be too many humans on Earth proves that rational thinking is in short supply indeed. (In reality it is the alternative: There can't be too many humans on Earth). I love these phrases that can mean the opposite of each other even though the words are identical. But one can't be too careful with one's use of language. And one can't be too careful with one's use of language either.
That's me. I don't know where everybody else is. One look at planet earth and it becomes obvious that the afore mentioned traits are not at all common.
There are several other "late onsets" that will become useful to me as I age. Immaturity, extreme bluntness in conversation, and pretended refusal to understand the words of others, but I'm sure that there will be many others as well. It will become a trend:
There are likely to be hundreds, if not thousands of "late onset" syndromes appearing in the population in the near future. Years ago, psychologists subjected rats to over crowding. The experiments showed that extreme crowding resulted in a suite of abnormal behaviors, most of which might be simply characterized as "The rats all went ratshit nuts".
Planet earth is being subjected to an experiment by Homo sapiens (I prefer Homo fecundus) as the population continues to rise without consideration of any issue other than Let's all have babies! The immensely irrational belief that there can't be too many humans on Earth proves that rational thinking is in short supply indeed. (In reality it is the alternative: There can't be too many humans on Earth). I love these phrases that can mean the opposite of each other even though the words are identical. But one can't be too careful with one's use of language. And one can't be too careful with one's use of language either.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Another bit of Monkey Wrenching:
If you are receiving some high end magazines with wonderful photos but are annoyed by their habit of putting their No Postage Required "Business Reply Mail" cards in the center of a two page photo, do as I do; pull in out and send it in either blank or with the following: "Found in the center of a two page photo. Why do this?"
I believe that they pay postage on the basis of how often the cards are mailed. If everyone did this, it would go away. On occasion, I have been inspired to write: "I see that you have no respect for your own publication". Or: "Are you stupid?"
I'm sure that you can think of others.
I believe that they pay postage on the basis of how often the cards are mailed. If everyone did this, it would go away. On occasion, I have been inspired to write: "I see that you have no respect for your own publication". Or: "Are you stupid?"
I'm sure that you can think of others.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Stop Pollsters
Sllod (Polls upside down)
We all know that opinion polls are annoying. We know that they skew election results by discouraging voters in later time zones, and that they can even drive policy by having candidates running after the electorate no matter how crazy they may be. After all, a majority opinion held by the public (like let's make Islam illegal) that violates the Constitution, isn't good for anything except demagoguery. It's a waste of time for a Representative or Senator to pander to the ignorant if the position can't ever be enacted. Wouldn't it be great if there were no polling data being blabbed about all over the media?
Take the pledge.
Lie to pollsters. If enough people would lie to the pollsters, then polling data would become so unreliable that it would be useless. Polls would disappear. But your lies must be creative you can't just say the opposite of what you really think, you have to lie randomly. The best way to do this is to have a coin handy and for all "yes/no" or two choice answers just flip the coin and allow the heads/tails to determine your response. Don't be dismayed if the answer you give is sometimes honest; the randomness of the coin flip will ensure that the overall result will be indecipherable for the analysts. That's what we want.
Next step: bumper stickers: I LIE TO POLLSTERS
We all know that opinion polls are annoying. We know that they skew election results by discouraging voters in later time zones, and that they can even drive policy by having candidates running after the electorate no matter how crazy they may be. After all, a majority opinion held by the public (like let's make Islam illegal) that violates the Constitution, isn't good for anything except demagoguery. It's a waste of time for a Representative or Senator to pander to the ignorant if the position can't ever be enacted. Wouldn't it be great if there were no polling data being blabbed about all over the media?
Take the pledge.
Lie to pollsters. If enough people would lie to the pollsters, then polling data would become so unreliable that it would be useless. Polls would disappear. But your lies must be creative you can't just say the opposite of what you really think, you have to lie randomly. The best way to do this is to have a coin handy and for all "yes/no" or two choice answers just flip the coin and allow the heads/tails to determine your response. Don't be dismayed if the answer you give is sometimes honest; the randomness of the coin flip will ensure that the overall result will be indecipherable for the analysts. That's what we want.
Next step: bumper stickers: I LIE TO POLLSTERS
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